February 2010
50 posts
1 tag
The Definition of Lazy
My obsession with quadriplegics lingers. It’s not an interest I am particularly proud of, but I am hardly alone; there are plenty of people who gawk at dwarves, conjoined twins, and individuals with fetal alcohol syndrome. As a society, we are fascinated by physical abnormalities. With quadriplegia, I think the lure is part sympathy, part curiosity. To lose control of one limb is devastating,...
January 2010
5 posts
3 tags
Wine Connoisseur
My friend Dewayne hosted a wine tasting party and took it very seriously. He conducted exhaustive research, then bought a variety of wines. The main event of the evening was a taste test of about ten selections. I tried most of them, but admittedly could not much discern between a twenty and fifty dollar bottle. On a side table, Dewayne set up about a dozen additional bottles of wine that were...
12 tags
Porn Star Karaoke
So there’s this semi-famous event in Burbank that I’ve always been curious to check out called Porn Star Karaoke. Every Tuesday, people who work and perform in the adult entertainment industry descend upon a karaoke joint and sing their cum-stained hearts out. As the website puts it, “They get drunk and entertain each other in any way the law will permit, all loosely disguised as karaoke.” It...
7 tags
Childhood Art
Here’s a picture that I found that I had drawn as a child:At first I was couldn’t determine a context or why I would draw such a thing, but after a short study I figured it out: These are illustrations for a calendar. The first man is a New Year’s Baby, if his sash weren’t enough of an indication. I didn’t know anything of alcohol at that point - how you spell it or...
7 tags
I'm Selling My Tonight Show Ticket!
Out of the blue, Andrew called me last week to ask if I would like to attend the taping of The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien later in the afternoon. He claimed he didn’t quite remember when he signed up for the tickets (booze and pills will do that), but now, a couple of months later, his turn had arrived. Just moments earlier, I had read the news that Conan O’Brien had officially rejected...
4 tags
Face Lifting by Exercise
I found this book at Goodwill and was understandably intrigued. Though my initial impulse was to poke fun at it – unlike most people, my urge to mock outweighs my hunger and sex drive – I started to wonder if maybe it weren’t the craziest notion that I’ve ever encountered. After all, people can avoid plastic surgery like liposuction by good old-fashioned exercise, so why not exercise your facial...